So long 34.

I have been doing some serious thinking lately. I guess I always am, but lately it has been mostly about who I am, why I am here, what I really want to do with my life, how do I really fit here... You know, the stuff that vague prayers are made of. "Lord, please show me what you want, lead me, tell me what to do....which path" etc, etc. I hate to be in this position at the dawning of my thirty-fifth year of life. For some reason I thought I'd have it figured out by now. I mean I have already accomplished a lot in the 34 other years I have been here. But what now? All of my life feels like it is building into something, leading to something, but what it is I just don't know.

So I had a bad year last year. Really, really bad. For many reasons. I found out some things about myself that I really don't like. I am disappointed that I keep making the same mistakes over and over. I have hurt people. I have hurt myself. I am disappointed in some of the choices I have made. I have so many things that are still undone that were undone last year at this time. I am ready to start life again in the work world, but what does that mean? I have questions, questions, questions... I don't want to see any posts that reference Phil 4:6-7 either. Those verse's have helped me survive before and I know God will show me all of this in time. But answers are sweeter after you have asked the questions, I guess. Even if I never know, eventually, the answers will show up in my past.

You know how some years when you have a birthday, you don't even notice. Not much changes, not inside or out... This was not that year for me. It was rough; rough inside my heart, rough inside my home, rough spiritually. It has been hard not to sink, but the Lord has been gracious to me, as always. In reflecting on this past year, the year of thirty-four, I can honestly say a happy goodbye. The lessons I learned in your midst were hard and broke me. There is a lot of you I will take away, but I say a happy goodbye to you thirty-four, here is the open door.

So there are some dreams that I have. Some things I want to do. Some life I want to live. I guess I will share some since you are reading this. But I am going to save that for next time. Until then, Welcome 35!