Dear Anna and Katie...

Sometimes I just have to stop whatever I am doing, and write down some of the things that my silly girls say. Just a moment ago I was in the kitchen making Noelle, yet another Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich. Jolie, who had previously declared that she absolutley did not want a PBJ sat down and asked for her sandwich. She said, "I want one, jus like Noweelll." Of course. So I prodded her. There is a sweet and scary life lesson here. Here is how the conversation went.
"Jolie, do you want everything that Noelle wants...?"
"Yes, Mom" said Jolie bear.
"Jolie do you want to be just like Noelle?"
"Yes, Mom, I love her." said sweet Jolie bear.
Noelle was sitting at the table with her. I knew she was listening, usually she is just talking in her head if she is chewing... but I could tell she was paying attention...
"Noelle, was does it mean for Jolie to be just like you?" Noelle quickly replied, "It means you want to be someone you are not" (Which, I think she means that you admire them)
"So, who do you want to be like Noelle?"
Noelle did not skip a beat... "Anna Fires"
Anna, is a teenager at our church who has loved Noelle since the first day she met her. She has the same kind of sparkle in her personality that Noelle does. She is a giving, happy, outgoing, fun girl. She is also very generous and compassionate. I have always thought of how sweet our church is, and the group of teens and tween girls at our church are phenomenal. They all serve and give, especially to the younger kids. It is the true bud of Titus 2 ministry. That is another blog.
So as soon as Noelle said this about Anna, Jolie immediately said, "I love Katie, Mom. I want to be like Katie." Now Katie is Anna's best friend and has been a faithful loving friend to my girls. She gets that from her mom. Katie is a quiet leader who has wisdom and patience in her eyes. She is one of those people who is always there, always helps, and seems happy to serve. I would love for my daughters to grow up and be like these girls. I am so glad that they have picked them as their examples. I think it is amazing that a five year old and a three year old could have role models, but they clearly do. We have been having conversations in our home about Katie and Anna (and Ali) for years. When Noelle was two she used to put her ponytail holders on her ankles to be like Katie, because Katie wore an ankle bracelet. Katie also wears small braids in her hair, and of course my girls do too. The list goes on and on. I have always thought it was sweet and such a blessing, but then it is a little scary. Here is the rest of the conversation.
Noelle, "Mommy, your girls are in love." "
Really Noelle?, What does that mean, to be in love?"
Noelle, "It means you want to be just like them. It means you want to do what they do"
How frightening for me as a parent. My children have role models outside of me and Chad, and their family. My kids look up to these girls. How powerful a role these girls have in my daughters lives. My children are growing up faster than I can keep up with. Soon, peers will be just as important in shaping their views as we are. Soon we will be crowded out by the world. My girls love these two girls. They don't know it but they admire these girls because they are girls who love Jesus. They are girls whose parents have taught them truth and the gospel. I hope that as I teach my girls about the Lord, that they will be drawn to other people like these two girls. I know the truth, the world and its temptations are sometimes so loud Christ may seem like a faint whisper against the clanging of the cymbals of the world... I pray that my girls will hear the whisper of Christ and seek Him out. In light of this conversation I am writing a little note to these two role models. Here goes...

Dear Anna and Katie, Thank you for loving my girls and being such great examples to them. Thank you for accepting them so much that they feel connected to you so far as to want to be like you. I pray for you, and hope that when you have hard choices to make, you will remember that your choices go so much father than yourself and your family. They extend even to mine, and to the eyes and hearts of my daughters. I know this world is hard place and you are faced with great challenges. If you ever do fall or face temptation, please come home to Christ. That is the example that I hope you leave for my girls. You are loved by two little girls and their mom

.

The Story of Chester

"In my life I find that memories of the spirit linger and sweeten
long after memories of the brain have faded. " Will Morris, "My Dog Skip"

For the first time in eleven and a half years I am alone in my home. Our little dog, Chesterfield Baker died today. He was our nearly twelve year old Jack Russell Terrier. Chad took the girls to his Dad's for a while because they just absolutely demanded to go. I don't blame them, after all, it has been a really sad day here in our home and well, he has cookies. My children have been learning a lot about death in the past few weeks and months. I knew today was going to be the day, I knew he wasn't going to make it. He literally stood on all fours in his bed last night. He went out this morning, fell down the steps and I had to move him to the grass because he just couldn't move his legs. His breathing was heavy and raspy...the tumors just got the best of him.

Chad got him when we had been married only for two years as a Christmas present for me. We were living at a private boarding school at the time. Sometimes the kids would leave the door open and he would just bolt like lightening. He maybe weighed six pounds, and he really just looked like a little ball of white light zooming around campus. I could never catch him. It would usually take an hour to get him, and it required about five people. He also used to love to play basketball in the gym. He was the original Air Bud. About a year after we got him, my little brother Patrick moved in for several years and Chester became his best buddy. Chester and Patrick have always missed each other. They were childhood friends. Like Willie Morris and Skip from "My Dog Skip".

He has been through nearly every move, he was there when we went from place to place, and he was there with Chad when I was gone for extended periods of time for work. He was there when we were young and now we are older. He was always there. He was a constant.

When Noelle was born five years ago, Chester was knocked off of his pedestal. He was no longer our baby. He also hated babies and repeatedly tried to attack them, so we kept him in a different room and he was mostly by himself. He was still happy, but not the center of attention. Recently the children have taken an interest in Chester. He aged quickly, and became very slow and less reactive. Noelle just started petting him in the last month. She decided that she loved him a while back, even though she was still afraid of him. More recently she began hugging him and giving him kisses. Jolie as well. Yesterday I found Chester in the den with an ace bandage wrapped around his head. Dr. Noelle was trying to make him feel better. They miss their friend.

So last week we visited my Dad's grave and decorated it. I had the opportunity to explain death to the girls. Jolie only hears what a nearly three old can hear, but Noelle has been listening very closely. My next blog will be about the lessons they are learning, but for now, I will just say... I am so very sad to see the end to a very big chapter of our lives. Goodbye Chester, my little friend. I love you.

Adoption - "Parting Paths"

Here is a picture of my friends... and notice the empty spot in the stroller that is waiting to be filled...

This is a post for my good friend "Mama Hen". She just finished up her adoptive parent family portfolio for the upcoming adoption of their future Baby Girl "Hen". The agency they are using is the one where I worked for 7 years. I worked with the birth moms who voluntarily placed their children for adoption, in hopes that the adoptive family could provide something for their child, that at the present moment, they would not be able to provide. Most of the time that meant a stable loving two-parent family. No matter how much they loved their child, they were not able to be two parents. Every young woman who placed their child, or planned to, had more courage in their pinky than most of us have in our entire being. They were willing to trust that someone else could and would provide a better life for their child, and for whatever reason or circumstance, they chose to separate and allow their child to have what they needed. Even if it meant giving up the precious title of parent. It takes a lot of maturity to even think this way, and a lot of courage to follow through.

For the most part, only about 2% of all women actually voluntarily place. Most children who are adopted are removed from their homes after abuse or neglect and thrust into the system, and have to wait and wait, if they ever actually do get to be placed in a permanent family. It is sad. When a young woman pursues adoption because it in the best interest of her child, she is preparing for her child's needs and providing for that child, all that she believes he or she needs, even though she will not be a part of it. It is totally different than someone failing as a parent. Do not ever be deceived in thinking that a young woman doesn't love her child if she places him or her for adoption, because, if the gospel of Christ is true, adoption is a perfect reflection of His love for us here on earth, and it is a sacrificial love. A love that provides a way. A love that sacrifices. A love that gives. She gives up a relationship and a life with her child, so that her child can have "more than they could ask or imagine."

Do you want to know who my hero's are in this world? My hero's are women and men who are willing to sacrifice for their children. Who are even willing to sacrifice their own needs for their children's whole needs. My hero's are Christians who open their homes and lives to adoption. My hero's are people who understand that our call to true Christianity is to serve orphans and widows. What better literal picture of that here on earth is there than adoption?

I am proud of you "Mama Hen" and "Poppa Rooster". I am thankful for your heart and your compassion. I am so excited for you and can't wait to see how "Baby Girl" changes your lives, and how you change hers. I will be praying for you guys and for her mother as she prepares to give her heart away. How beautiful.

Here is a poem I wrote several years ago about the girls I worked with. Seeing their sacrifice changed my heart forever. This is only a nugget, but something to think on.

Parting Paths

By: Jennifer Baker (2002)

She could hardly read the paper-

As her eyes filled with tears,

She couldn’t believe that one moment-

Could lead to so many years.

She was so sad, so sorry, so crushed-

For she had created a life,

But the timing was rushed.

She couldn’t give- What she thought he deserved.

Love was the only thing that she could have served.

With the pen in her hand- she paused to consider,

But the future just kept getting dimmer.

Could she give him all that he needed?

With an ache in her chest, her heart pleaded.

No money, no time, no father…

No son or daughter-

Should go without so much.

But could she live without,

His gentle sweet touch?

But she knew the truth, of the life they would lead.

He would go without, to fill her need.

So the pen hit the paper, and their paths parted.

She loved him for a lifetime, before his life started.

A family that ached for him, as much as she…

By giving him life, she filled both of their needs.

Now he’s got all she intended,

And a new family’s sorrow has been mended.

On paper stained with tears,

Trusting God with all her fears,

She paved a new path for her son,

And left no thing undone.

Some misunderstand her choice,

Thinking only of their own voice.

Not realizing she is the one,

Who thinks every day of her son.

Though parting was the best thing to do,

Her job as a mother will never be through-

Praying for him, and ceasing never

To carry him in her heart forever

Love is where her choice starts-

It is love that pushed their paths apart.

- This poem is dedicated to every wonderful brave girl who I ever met on this path. - Jennifer Baker 2002