The Art of Me...

I am sitting on my couch and it's 1:00 in the morning again. I am listening to Shawn MacDonald's, song "Beautiful"; it is number five on my play list. I feel so moved by this song and I have been thinking about the words. You may not know that I live in a less populated area than most. I have the privilege looking up into the night sky without a lot of distraction from street lights. I also regularly work late, after 10 or so. When I come out of the building, I am greeted by an enormous open sky. On cold nights the air snaps me to attention, and when there are no clouds, the sky is crystal clear. I mean it is amazing, the stars really just dance up there. I always, always, always look up at it and thank God for the gift of seeing His stars, His moon, His creation. I just immediately feel connected to Him, and grateful. Then I hear this song... "What am I, that I might be called your child? What am I that you might know me, my King" Then he goes on to sing about the creation, the sun, the colors and how they are painted all over the sky. It's true, "the same hands that created all of this, created you and I"... I think, wow!, He created me, He knows me...He loves me. I think about how amazing it would be to be there at that moment in time when he decided to create all of this and at the moment when he decided to create me. Then to watch as he carefully decided on exactly what genes I would have, exactly what my face would look like, what my voice would sound like, that I would never reach five foot three, that I would cry at every Hallmark card commercial. To see when He formed my soul, my inmost parts, when he carefully and wonderfully made me...would result in deep and humble appreciation for His work. It is incredible to think of the God who created the Heavens and the earth, took time to carefully plan every part of my being. My life, he planned. My breath he breathed into me.

I don't think I fully appreciated how well God created us, until I became pregnant with my oldest. Everyday, I wondered, what she would look like, what she would be like... You want to know something sad and wonderful? This is sort of a side bar... When I was young, something happened to my family, and through a series of events all my baby pictures were destroyed. I don't know what I looked like as a child until I was about three years old. That always made me sad. When I was pregnant I selfishly prayed that God would give me a baby that looked like me so that I would know what I looked like as a baby. I had Noelle, (mini-me) and it has been like staring in the mirror since she was born. She also acts and thinks just like me, and happens to also want to be a counselor and work at a bed and breakfast.... Anyway, God knew that always made me sad, because it is just that, He KNOWS me. He knows us. We are known to Him, By Him. We don't have to introduce ourselves when we pray. He knows what we looked like as kids. He made us look that way.

I guess I concentrate a bit too much on the flaws that I have. If I got up everyday and said "thank you God for creating me, my soul, my spirit, my heart, my personality, my goals, my desires", even down to my love for Him, how different would my attitude be about life? If for just a moment I could see myself as an amazing creation like the stars and the sky, would I live differently out of nothing more than an appreciation for the art that He made of me? This is not a self-absorbed, love-thyself entry. Some people feel anonymous in this world. They feel alone and unknown. We are not alone or unknown, the proof is in the mirror. Just think of the impact it would have on us if we truly got excited about how God made us. If we stopped condemning ourselves for our flaws, would we even think of those traits as flaws then? I don't want anyone to respond to this entry negatively. I have a brother who is Autistic, and there are some things I don't understand of course, nor am I meant to... I just know that each of us is truly beautiful to God. He thinks we are beautiful. He finds pleasure in His creation, just as we find pleasure in looking at His fine artwork, He also delights in looking at us. We are His "pieces" and all of creation is the gallery. I am going to try to be more grateful for the thing he has made me, for the art of my soul and spirit. I am going to thank God for the incredible details of my life, for knowing me, and making a way for me to know Him.

And No, I will not post any Stuart Smalley videos, even though I want to.... SO BAD!